Friday 6 April 2012

Bullies

A friend of mine had a nasty experience recently. She was watching her toddler in a toddler's swimming class rather anxiously because this time there was a rather boisterous little boy who had joined the lesson. The boy's mother sat next to her laughing at how her son never listens to anyone.

The instructor put the kids on a float and for some reason dived underwater. In that moment the boisterous little boy bounced on the float sending my friend's child and another flying into the water. The instructor came up, saw the kids in the water, grabbed one of the children put him on the float and then went for my friend's child who was still underwater.

By that time my friend was at the pool. Soothing her obviously terrified child she thought she had never been so happy to hear him cry.

As if this experience wasn't bad enough she was joined in the changing room by the boisterous child's mum who laughed at the incident and said that my friend should teach her son to hang on tighter! My friend who had already obviously had a huge shock turned around and said that maybe she should teach her son to listen to instructions.

Immediately the other woman started loudly accusing my friend of blaming a toddler for what happened - which was not what she had said. She followed my friend right out of the changing rooms making a huge scene. None of the other parents stood up for my friend or even said a word to her but they all patted her son and told him to come back again. My friend just fled to have a good cry and get over the shock of it all.

I think the other woman felt guilty about everything and to stop any accusations coming her way deliberately provoked a (rather one-sided) fight. It's the typical strategy of a bully. Make bystanders feel either too intimidated to get involved or coerce them into siding with the bully. Fortunately the other parents did not side with her. But their inaction made my friend feel isolated and miserable.

I am not sure I would have been brave enough to speak up if I had seen this happening to a stranger. What would you have done?

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